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First Thoughts Blog

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Why Not Me?

I want what you have. It’s supposed to belong to me. You don’t deserve it anyway. You won’t even appreciate it. You’ve got what’s mine and I hate you for it. I’ll scratch your eyes out for it. Ever feel that way?

You see the girl you adore kiss another guy by the lockers. You want to go at him, right there. You watch the rich kid show off the spoils from another shopping spree and everything you own suddenly seems ready for the thrift shop. You burn inside. Your parents look at your brother’s report card and praise him for being so smart. They turn to you and smile sympathetically. Not every one can have all the gifts he has. If looks could kill, your brother wouldn’t make it out of the room.

Jealousy is a powerful, overwhelming emotion. We’ve been plagued with it from the beginning. Cain and Abel were brothers with different jobs. Cain tilled the ground and grew crops. Abel kept the flocks of sheep and cattle. One day, they both brought gifts to the Lord. Cain brought some of his harvest from the fields. Abel brought an offering of the firstborn of his flock. At first sight, this seems normal enough, each one bringing something from his work. But the story from Genesis 4 tells us that God was pleased with Abel’s offering while having no regard for Cain’s. We are never really told why one was better than another.We do read that Cain was furious with jealousy, and his face fell into gloom.

The Lord spoke to Cain, saying in effect “Why are you so mad? If you do what is right, you’ll be accepted. But if not, be careful, because sin is lurking right at your door. It desires to own you, but you must overcome it.”

God knew exactly how jealousy works. It threatens to possess us. If we aren’t careful, it will take over and lead us into doing the worst things possible.

Cain, of course, didn’t heed the warning. He lured Abel into a field, then savagely attacked him. Still in a rage, Cain at first tried denying that he had killed his brother. God asked him where Abel was and Cain replied, “How should I know? Am I my brother’s keeper?”

“His blood cries out to me from the ground,” said the Lord.

When Cain came out of his jealous fit, he realized the curse he had brought down on himself. His whole life was ruined by his envious rage.

Jealousy can do that. In a moment, it can seize us and lead us to ruin relationships. We can’t stop the feeling of jealousy when it arises. But our story gives us some cluse about what to do with those feelings. First of all, we can name them. I am angry because I am so jealous I could kill. Yes, I recognize you, you sin of jealous rage lurking around my door! But you can’t have me.” Second, we deny jealousy its full expression by remembering “I am my brother’s keeper. We belong to each other. I can’t just obliterate you, much as I’d like. We’re connected. We each belong to God and so we matter to each other. You really aren’t the problem, but my jealousy is.” And third, we can hold hard to God’s words to Cain, “If you do right, you will be accepted.” I’m not going to give in and have a fit that will make everything worse. I’m going to entrust myself to God, do what is right, and hang on till the wave of jealousy passes. And then we pray like crazy that God will see us through.

Posted in: Devotionals